Bang on Trend

I understand that 'Marrakesh' is a latest trend according to a well-known high street fashion retailer.

Take a look at the pics here.

Now, I spent some time in and around Marrakesh at the end of last year, and I certainly didn't see anyone looking like that.

And if there were anyone looking like that in Marrakesh, I don't believe they would've made it from one side of the Djemaa el Fna - the city's main square, alternately meaning 'assembly of the dead' or 'the mosque of nothing' - to the next.

The description of the trend reads, "Colours are muted, pinks and browns are washed into rich blues of the ocean."

Marrakesh, being a landlocked Moroccan city.

The djellaba robe would describe Marrakesh much more accurately. It is full- or half-length, similar to that worn by Obi Wan Kenobi, with a large pointed hood.

My girlfriend Shannon and I spent six weeks in Morocco, and for much of that I thought I was on the set of a Star Wars film.
 
The djellaba is as quintessentially Moroccan as mint tea and tagines, and so cool I had to have one, so I bought a half length cream affair, which I was sure I would wear into town on a Friday night back at home.

I haven't.

So maybe this proves I'm a slave to fashion. But a trend, based on Marrakesh, with clothes like that... come on.

And as a sign of fashion's fickleness, the trend runs from March to April.

A new trend then, perhaps, for April Fool's - Timbuktu, anyone?

Keep Smiling

Last Thursday's post on the Conservatives was very timely, given the revelations in a Sunday newspaper that Tory treasurer Peter Cruddas was secretly filmed allegedly offering access to David Cameron and George Osborne in exchange for a donation of £250,000 a year.

The Conservatives truly can do no right.

And earlier this month one of their own, Tory MP Nadine Dorries, told the Financial Times: "The problem is that policy is being run by two public-school boys [Cameron and Osborne] who don’t know what it’s like to go to the supermarket and have to put things back on the shelves because they can’t afford it for their children’s lunchboxes. What’s worse, they don’t care either."

Ouch.

How did we get into this mess?

But before considering giving Tory MP Dorries a slap on the back, remember that she proposed moves last year to make it harder for British women to have an abortion, by stopping abortion charities from offering counselling to women.

Dorries has also voted moderately against the gays getting equal rights.

Is there anyone we can trust?

Well, it seems that the public's faith in Labour is being restored: in a poll by ComRes for the Independent, Labour are 10 points ahead of the Conservatives, who, according to the same survey, two-thirds of people believe are the "party of the rich."

At least someone will be smiling...

Crack out the Cake

I won't paint a cruel caricature of the Conservatives - they do that just fine by themselves.

Just off the top of my head:

- George Osborne's Granny-bashing Budget, which will leave 4.41 million pensioners worse off by an average of £83 in 2013-14. Sales in Werther's Originals are expected to plummet.

- The drop in the top rate of tax from 50p to 45p in the Chancellor's Budget will grant earners of £500,000 a year an extra £1,431 a month - that's an additional £17,172 a year. Sales of bottles of Bolly are expected to skyrocket. 

- I need not mention the molestation of the NHS, but I will.

- David Cameron cosying up to Charlie Brooks, the horse-training husband of Rebekah Brooks, ex-News of the World and -Sun editor and -News International chief exec, who was recently arrested alongside her husband about alleged corrupt payments made by journalists to Ministry of Defence officials; Rebekah Brooks, who was loaned a horse by the Metropolitan Police; a horse on which David Cameron himself has trotted about. Reports that he described the horse as a "fine filly" remain unconfirmed.

- Similarly, the close links between Education Secretary Michael Gove and bum chum Rupert Murdoch, for whom Gove used to work, and whom he used to meet on the regular.

- The same Michael Gove who used special powers - not the flying or invisibility kind, sadly - to sack all the governors of a struggling London school, against parents' wishes, to be replaced with a board of his own choosing. One parent described the move as a "dawn raid you'd expect in an Eastern Bloc country."

- By the way, Gove labelled these parents as "Trots" and claimed they were politically motivated, rather than the outlandish idea that they might be concerned about their children's future.

- It was recently revealed that Cameron's, Osborne's and Gove's wet dream, Iron Lady Margaret Thatcher, also met Rupert Murdoch, a fact hidden from the public for 30 years.

All in all, the Conservatives do an excellent job of making themselves look very bad indeed.

But the true horror of their time in power has to be the ironing out in the Budget of "loopholes and anomalies" in the VAT system, meaning hot takeaway food from the supermarket - such as rotisserie chicken and pies - will now have VAT applied, as will bacon- and sausage-rolls.

Greggs has taken a stand, speaking out strongly against the decision, blurting, "We do not believe that our freshly baked savoury products should be subject to VAT and we will be making strong representations to the government regarding the proposed changes."

Paddy McGuinness was said to be inconsolable at the news.

Also, VAT will be imposed on chocolate-covered biscuits, considered a luxury - but, to finish on a positive, would not be put on cakes, considered a necessity.

Bring out the fruitcake! 

You Can Do It!

Today I found myself holding my breath in a room with six other grown adults, who each held theirs too. No it wasn't some strange sex game - it was a careers advice workshop!

And it was actually quite helpful. Well, more helpful than the automatons at the Jobcentre, who organised today's 'jolly'.

We discussed securing jobs, our CVs, and preparing for an interview, and how the way we view ourselves can differ from how we are seen by others.

We looked at examples of how this relates to people in the public eye. My partner and I were given Labour leader Ed Miliband.

These are the ways in which we thought Ed would describe himself:

- Powerful
- Capable
- A Born Leader
- A Man of the People
- A Family Man
- A Good Communicator

These are the ways in which we thought of Ed:

- A Joke
- A Nerd
- Weak/Wet
- Privileged
- Boring/Bland
- A Poor Communicator
- Manufactured
- Pampered
- He Lives in the Shadow of his Brother

... not all good then.

We also looked at potential interview questions - such as the killer 'What's your favourite animal?' followed by the slightly tamer 'What's your second favourite animal?'

My answer to question number one was 'Dog', and my answer to number two was 'Military Dolphin'.

The best piece of advice I heard today, however, was a technique to get your CV to stand out during recruiters' keyword searches: to fill the white - or empty - space on your CV with particular keywords - but, and here's the clever bit, CHANGE THE FONT COLOUR OF THOSE KEYWORDS TO WHITE!

So these keywords won't be seen by the naked eye, yet they'll be picked up by computers during keyword searches. Genius!

I would shake the hand of whoever thought of that.

All in all, there was a lot today to keep us positive. Although when I need some motivation, I just imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger saying, in his thick Austrian accent, "You can do it!"

Or I watch this video.

Lonesome Traveler Blues

Since returning from travelling I am really struggling to adapt to normal life. I'd described it as feeling like a caged bird, when once I was a wild beast, carving up continents in my campervan.

I spent almost every second of seven-and-a-half amazingly happy months with my girlfriend, Shannon - now I cannot afford to see her more than two nights a week. I signed on at the Jobcentre at the end of January and haven't received a penny of Jobseeker's Allowance.

Then I had Shannon and a van and we could go anywhere we pleased in Europe and Morocco - now I have a room and an internet connection (at my parents' house, for which I am very thankful).

I wonder if this is something other people have experienced on coming back from travelling?

I remain positive, however: the memories I have from our trip are still fresh and make me incredibly happy.

My current reading material too, Jack Kerouac's 'Lonesome Traveler', adds real colour to the snapshot memories in my mind.

Originally I struggled to get into it - I'd previously read Hemingway's 'A Farewell to Arms' in a week or two, and certainly wasn't drawn back to 'Lonesome Traveler' like I was with that book.

This may be because 'Lonesome Traveler' is a collection of short stories about Kerouac's various expeditions, some of which I've vastly enjoyed, some of which I haven't.

The book has had very little editing - there's little punctuation and all spelling mistakes are kept in, as are Kerouac's fantastically funny made-up words (sometimes onomatopoeic, such as the "sudden sprram of freights ramming together"). The 50s slang, too, makes me want to break out into some scat, hepcat.

Kerouac's 'spontaneous prose' - itself very much like scat singing - was, of course, made famous in 'On The Road', but in 'Lonesome Traveler' it's completely let loose. Once you get your head around it, the spontaneous prose in 'Lonesome Traveler' propels you forward at great speed and pages fly by.

Of special interest to me is the 'Big Trip to Europe' short story, which I haven't quite finished, about Kerouac's time in Tangier, Morocco, and Paris; places Shannon and I called home shortly before returning to the UK with our tails between our legs.

Another excellent short story is 'Alone on a Mountaintop', where Kerouac details a two-month stint he spent as a fire lookout, completely alone, high up in Mount Baker National Forest in the Cascade mountain range "of the Great Northwest".

It was here he wrote:

What is a rainbow,
Lord? - a hoop
For the lowly

As would happen to anyone who spent two months in solitude, Kerouac goes a little crazy by the end of it - but none more so than he already was.

So I now know that I should stay positive, watch for rainbows, and keep on thinking about travelling - there's always a next time!

This pic was taken in Berlin and is subject to copyright.

Unemployable

This just in: I've received a reply to my letter of complaint sent to the Jobcentre, after they treated me like a dog.

This reply came not from the Chief Executive, to whom I sent my letter, but from the District Case Manager of my local branch. For ease, we'll call the District Case Manager from my local branch 'Ronald'.

It seems I'd gone over Ronald's head with my complaint - I'd asked the Jobcentre receptionist exactly how to complain, and she told me of a leaflet, on which I got my grubby mitts, that described the complaint process in very plain English (basically written as if an 'editorial' from the Sun newspaper).

That process is:

Stage 1. Tell the Jobcentre your complaint.

Check.

Stage 2. Get in touch with the District Manager.

Now, I'd already vented my spleen and other internal organs to two Jobcentre staff, neither of whom had offered to put me in touch with Ronald, nor told me to write to him.

Given this, I skipped straight to:

Stage 3. Writing to the Chief Exec.

Anyway, I received a reply from Ronald. He did apologise, but in the kind of forced way kids do when they've been caught monkeying around putting chewing gum in each other's hair.

Ronald's reply spends far too much time apologising for rescheduling a meeting without informing me (leaving me on the Jobcentre's doorstep, something I'm very much over), and not enough time apologising for one of his member of staff's unprofessional and juvenile comments. 

(I love calling someone who works at the Jobcentre "unprofessional", when I'm unemployed, it just feels right.)

Ronald agreed that these comments "could have been phrased more appropriately" and he apologised "that they were not".

I've been down the Jobcentre today, for an interview with my 'Personal Adviser', Caroline, who is lucky enough to have been already mentioned on this blog.

Caroline is tasked with helping me get back into work. This is the first meeting I've had of this kind, over a month since first signing on, and in fact, I haven't received any monies yet.

She told me that actually there is very little she can advise me on with regards to finding a job - I guess because I'm so very good at looking for work, despite not actually bloody finding any.

Maybe I am good at jobseeking - I did do some research this morning into finding the perfect font for my CV. I've stuck with Times New Roman - not because I'm a boring everyman, but because I came to the conclusion that I couldn't give a fuck what font my CV's in.

At the Jobcentre we scrolled through a list of jobs and stopped at one which I thought sounded fun: News Editor for the Halal Food Foundation - which I now need to contact, because I showed an interest in the job. Somehow I don't think it's for me, though; they're probably looking for someone who at least eats halal food, not someone who simply realises that halal food exists. 

Caroline has also organised for me to attend a 'career management workshop' next week, where I'll learn how to get the right hair, when to smile and make eye contact, and how to project my voice. I'll also get to network - with other unemployed people. Hurrah!