How to legally steal music

Do you remember libraries? You know, those big, quiet rooms where books were kept. Usually in town? What's that you say... what's a book?!

I remember libraries, and was greatly annoyed to see that my local library has closed down. That once noble red-brick building has been plastered all over and made up to look like some kind of Mediterranean villa, sitting awkwardly in a dreary satellite town. I don't know whether they're flats or offices or what, but the library's gone.

I used to go to my library a lot... to get CDs. In the library, the CDs were the first things you saw, right at the front. Books were already old news.

You could rent a CD for a week for £3, which seemed a good deal. The first CD I rented - which would soon be the last - was, I think, Steps' sophomore effort 'Steptacular'.

Upon leaving the library with my musical bounty I realised that for £9 I could actually buy a copy of Steptacular, that would be mine to keep for ever. I could eagerly listen to the magic of Claire, H and the gang ad infinitum.

So I returned Steptacular to the library, bought a copy from the record megastore, went home for a listen... and took it back the next day, for a full refund. Steptacular was crap - but, importantly, I'd given it a listen and had 'owned' it for a whole evening - for free.

This was the point where I hit upon my amazing idea. I'd recently started downloading music using peer-to-peer websites such as Kazaa, which were fantastic for finding music better than Steps, but had completely destroyed several of my family's poor PCs.

I had also started using iTunes to store my music, and discovered that I could buy CDs from that certain record megastore, take them home and 'burn' them so I had a permanent digital copy, then take them back to the shop for a refund.

Of course, it wasn't long before the shop staff figured me out, and stopped giving me my money back, and instead said I could exchange my CD for something else in the store. This was even more perfect - I had an everlasting voucher that allowed me to constantly borrow new CDs 'on repeat'!

The staff eventually became even wiser to me, and wouldn't let me in the shop - I just sent different family members and friends in to swap CDs for me.

This was how I learnt to legally steal music - and I didn't even need the internet and websites so unsafe they forced unsuspecting computers into meltdown.

The ironic thing about all this is that, like our friends the libraries, music megastores are going the way of the woolly mammoth.  

But fear not - as we know, music is available all over the shop online, and can be downloaded legally and illegally, so I shed no tears for music megastores.

It is the humble old library - to which I raise a metaphorical glass with this blog post - that I well and truly miss.